Behavioral Coaching: Bullies Becoming Leaders
What is bullying?
Bullying is an aggressive imbalance in power, either physically or socially. Bullies are either bigger and stronger than their victims or are socially more powerful. Bullying behaviors can include hitting, teasing, name calling, or intimidation. Bullying can leave its victims feeling isolated, depressed and even suicidal. Children who bully are at higher risk for other violent and antisocial behavior such as fighting, theft, dropping out of school, alcohol and drug use.
How can we help?
Increase Awareness
Clearly define what bullying is. Identify, describe, and distinguish different types of aggressive behaviors such as "horseplay", attention seeking, jealousy, and bullying. Parents and teachers need to clearly define expectations and consequences for bullying behavior. They also need to point out specific bullying behavior as it occurs. You can find some easy solutions at behavecoach.com
Listen to the message
Schedule one-on-one time if you are a parent and let students know that you are interested in what they have to say if you are a teacher. Encourage children to ask for help.
Look for changes in socialization behavior. Reach out to children who begin to suddenly isolate themselves. (behavecoach.com/parenting-tools/self-esteem/).
Celebrate talents
Anytime you try to help a child change behavior you need to continue to support their self-esteem and one of the best ways to do that is by identifying and celebrating their natural talents. (behavecoach.com/parenting-tools/celebrate-your-talents/) Children who bully can be great leaders. Bullying behavior can be a hidden leadership talent that just needs direction.
What makes a good leader?
- Trustworthy
- Celebrate other's talents
- Listen
- Build and strengthen teams
- Have vision
- Learn
Leaders are trustworthy
Leaders have good character. They "practice what they preach." Leaders lead by example. Leaders say what they mean and don't "beat around the bush".
Leaders identify and celebrate others' talents
Leaders help others feel better about themselves by showing them what they are good at. Leaders help the people around them to find their better Self.
Leaders listen
Leadership is about communication. Communication can occur without listening. You have two ears and only one mouth, which means you should be listening twice as much as your talking.
Leaders build and strengthen teams
Leaders don't judge but encourage a variety of different ideas and opinions. Leaders empathize with others, clearly define expectations and provide frequent feedback.
Leaders have vision
Leaders are creative, plan ahead and set goals for themselves. Leaders are persistent and determined to realize their vision. Leaders find ways to inspire and motivate others with their vision.
Leaders learn
Leaders acknowledge when their wrong and challenge themselves to learn how to do it better. Leaders learn their own weaknesses and are eager delegate tasks to that fit other's talents.
Remember good leaders need to role-play and practice these skills in order to allow their leadership talent to shine.
How else can we help?
- Read stories about great leaders
- Create opportunities for leadership
- Point out specific examples of good leadership skills
- Praise and reward good leadership skills
Eric Putnam, MA, LAC, received his M.A. in Applied Sociology from Northern Arizona University in 1994 and a M.A. in Professional Counseling from Ottawa University in 2004. He was previously the Clinical Director of CPS Crisis Stabilization Services at TERROS, INC. He is currently President of Independence Behavioral Coaching. Visit IBC's blog at http://behavioralcoach.com.
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